this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
