her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
