Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
