also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
