hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
