my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
