my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Can I color on your dick again?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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