you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
