Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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