haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
