I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
