How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
