Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
