he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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