well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
