So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
