You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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