what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
