and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
