I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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