So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
