matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
