In the future we'll all be gay
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
