I can text with my tongue
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
