Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
