You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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