You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
