She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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