the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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