WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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