It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
