Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she pinky promised me she was 18
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
