I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
