normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
