Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
