"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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