it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
