I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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