She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
