Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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