I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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