My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I will be naked everywhere
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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