There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Boobs are out for the taking
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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