i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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