my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
