Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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