hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
