so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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