proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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