Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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