this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
