Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
