Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
