You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
