Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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