the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
