I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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