Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
