All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We're too hungover to prance.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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