I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
