Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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