People in love make me want to vomit
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
