I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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